Thursday, June 18, 2009
I am ashamed that I haven't written this sooner!
The night I posted "Consider the Lilies" I was really, truly clamoring for any shred of hope I could find. I don't think I even conveyed how difficult the past few weeks had been. Jeremy read my finished post that night and gave me a hug. Then he went down to check on Elli before we went to sleep. Elli has always gone to bed with a CD playing soft music. It is usually a lullaby CD, or her "I am a Child of God" one. The previous weekend, my parents had let us borrow their CD player (Elli had broken hers-- again) and it already had a CD in it. It was church CD, and so we had been pushing play on that. I hadn't payed attention to what songs were on it. I'm assuming by now you've guessed that when Jeremy went to check on her, a certain "Consider the Lilies" was playing. (: Truly, this is a song I haven't heard for months, so putting it in our lives three times in one day really did seem a little more than ironic.
I went to bed feeling peace.
The next morning, I got Elli out of bed and fed her breakfast. Then I put her in her bath. This is where she had begun her daily screaming for the past several weeks. Lo and behold, no screams. I hardly dared move-- terrified of provoking her. Jeremy immediately said, "I'm telling you-- It's the prayers of those reading the blog." And he was right!
Fifteen minutes later, she started screaming again. But we had felt hope!! And to make a long story short-- within a couple of days, our Elli had come back. OK, not in full (she will still not label things for us), but our HAPPY Elli has come back, and that's what matters most!!! It truly has been such a miracle for us. So, I wanted to thank-you for your prayers, and for your sweet words of encouragement. I truly clung to every word. My favorite was the "Satan despises you, sweetie!" It made me ever more focused on not letting him win!! Of remembering who is really in charge here, and of His love for my daughter.
And so, while I don't have new words to add to the sidebar, I have a renewed spirit!! I am absolutely basking in the angel that is my little girl. She brings me so much joy. And while I continue to pray and yearn for miracles for her, I am learning more and more that SHE is the miracle!!! That having the privilege of her presence in our home IS THE MIRACLE!
P.S. Ok, so this is a LONG P.S. But I wanted to share that after I finished this post, I googled "Consider the Lilies" to see if I could find a picture. I came across the story of how the song was written, and thought I would share!
One day, as I was sitting at the piano in our chapel, (we didn't have a piano at home) I found my fingers wandering over the piano keys. I noticed what I was playing and repeated it so I wouldn't forget it. Once the melody had become locked into my consciousness, words began to form in my mind,
"Consider the lilies of the field,
how they grow, how they grow."
I grabbed my pencil and began writing. As quickly as I could write, the words continued,
"Consider the birds in the sky,
How they fly, how they fly.
He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky.
And he will feed those who trust him,
And guide them with His eye."
I was beginning to feel very excited! Here was a way to share this marvelous principle!
The words kept coming,
"Consider the sheep of his fold,
How they follow where he leads.
Though the path may wind across the mountains,
He knows the meadows where they feed."
I thought of how Nephi and Lehi had been led on their way through "the more fertile parts of the wilderness..." and how the seas had parted for Moses and the children of Israel. Again, the chorus re-assured me,
"He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky,
And he will feed those who trust him,
And guide them with his eye."
I was pleased that the message had been so well delivered, and gratefully acknowledged the power that had presented this song to my mind. I was about to rise from the piano bench and go home, when I felt a kind of downward tug, and sat down at the bench again. The message came clearly into my mind, "I'm not finished yet."
I sat down and the verse began,
"Consider the sweet, tender children
Who must suffer on this earth..."
I panicked. I was afraid to tackle so large a subject. I thought, "My pen is too small to deal with a problem so great." The thought came into my mind, "You're not writing this, anyway." I then remembered someone very dear to me who once said she had a hard time understanding why God would allow little children to be abused, and I had a great desire to help her understand this subject better and be comforted. This urged me on.
So, tremulously, I continued,
The pains of all of them he carried
From the day of his birth.
He clothes the lilies of the field,
He feeds the lambs in His fold,
And he will heal those who trust him,
And make their hearts as gold."
I wept profusely. I could not contain my feelings. The love I felt was so powerful that I was overcome. (Indeed, for the rest of the day, I felt somewhat removed from this mortal sphere.)
My soul vibrated with the message I had just written, for my own suffering and weakness had been taken in hand by the Wonderful Counselor, and where once there was darkness, light by light, strand by strand, he rewove the fabric of my heart with threads of purest gold, so that my affections and sympathies have been, in a marvelous manner, enlarged and re-trained to make me more like him.
This is the way of the Master. He tells us plainly that he has given us weakness to bring us to him. When we come unto him, he teaches, counsels, and heals us, replacing evil with good, pouring himself into us, a spiritual transfusion where his light replaces our darkness. The light he has put into us works its way through everything we know and feel and draws us to yet greater light.
One day, if we continue, we will be like him, for his light will have chased every trace of darkness from us, and will have drawn into us all the light he has.